What (not) to eat – sincerely, the internet


Never eat carbs ever. Not just the obvious ones like bread and pasta, but the secret ones like carrot and banana too. If you really really must eat a carb, let it be a berry.

Gluten is an inflammatory asshole that was not meant for human consumption. It is the source of all your problems, including brain fog, arthritis and ill fitting pants.

Gluten is an easy carb that offers the body and brain the necessary energy. It helps you feel comforted, bot physically and emotionally.

Eat fat, especially in the form of animals, fried eggs, butter and mayonnaise. Your brain needs fat, but only if you starve it of sugar first.

Don’t eat fat. It’s killing your liver and clogging up your arteries.

Sugar is evil. It’s worse than heroine. You’re addicted to it because of the sugar mafia.

Eat sugar. Your liver needs it. (something something insulin)

Dairy is part of a healthy diet, go get that calcium.

If you’re not a calf don’t drink milk. It depletes calcium from your bones and makes you fart.

Lentils, peas, and beans provide healthier nutrients than meat.

Lentils, peas, and beans will destroy your digestive system: phytates, FODMAP

Meat is killing you and the planet. Do the forests a favour and become vegan.

But don’t do soy. It’s uber-processed and mimics estrogen and you know you’re in trouble then.

Genealogise where your ancestors are from. Eat what they ate, unless it’s any of the food listed above.

Eat organic, unless it comes from over a hundred kilometres away. Then eat local. Unless it’s all potatoes and beets.

Did we mention PROTEIN!!!

Coffee seems to be allowed if it’s biological-fair-trade-decaf and you don’t put any shit in it.

The most important meal of the day is breakfast.

Only eat within an eight-hour window and absolutely not when you wake up or within four hours of bedtime. Your body has been conditioned to be hungry outside of those hours. Show that bitch who’s boss.

A little snack before bed can help you sleep and will suppress the adrenaline surge in your brain at four in the morning.

Fish contains the nice omega fats.

Fish contains mercury.

Drink green smoothies.

Vegetables are meant to be raw and chewy.

Drink water, but only if it’s filtered and has been left standing upright for 8 hours.

Drink lemon water.

Lemon water will dissolve your teeth.

And you might as well avoid yeast (candidiasis brr), corn (cereal brr), eggs (PFAS brr) and all nightshades (alkaloids brr).

Nowadays there’s a PROTEIN in everything. It’s the solution to all your problems.

Hunger is a subjective concept.

Let’s have lunch.

#stencilart #sprayart #urbanart #oneliner #oneliners #picturepoetry #wordsmith #caztoon #monoverse #sarcazm

(inspired by my latest choice in lifestyle & Alison Meyers)

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